it was a fun and enjoyable evening yesterday. 
it’s easy to forget how austere and unconventional my apartment is until i invite guests over, only to realize that i really didn’t have any place for them to sit or be comfortable. i grabbed the chairs from the garage below me, and i sat on the floor as i always do. the table i use to serve tea (which is also the ONLY table i have) is designed for sitting on the floor. but what can you do, you know? Read the rest of this entry ?
so i sorta went instant vegetarian as a result of the vows i took this weekend. i know there are a ton of meat eating buddhists, i know, but i don’t see it justifiable for a westerner who is working class or above to eat meat and believe that they are upholding the vow not to kill another living being. yes, “technically” one is not actually doing the killing when they buy a sandwich or meat from the supermarket, and that animal was not slaughtered “specifically” for the person who’s buying it, but i’m not looking to get out of my vows on a technicality. we live in different times now with everything streamlined, mechanized, and impersonal. but i believe that the moment we lay down our money to purchase meat, we are agreeing to become the person for whom the animal was killed.
so why the asterisk, right?
well, the problem is that i have this amazing neighbor next door who is 81 years old, and she loves nothing more than to invite me over for dinner and talk my ear off while i chow down on her home-cooked meal. she’s been inviting me over once or twice a week since i moved in, and i’ve never once complained about anything she has ever made (mostly because she’s a great cook), even when it’s stuff i’m not particularly fond of. i really enjoy hanging out with her, and i know that she really enjoys our conversations. PLUS, just as i was trying to think of a way to break the news to her that i would no longer be eating meat (literally as this was going through my head), she began to talk about how much it irks her when some people are so picky, and how much she enjoys making dinner for me and the Colonel (whom i’ll introduce later) because we always enjoy everything.
i truly think that my connection with her is important enough to be the one exception that i can live with. and i think it’s much better to acknowledge this honestly than to lean on what amounts to a loophole in the vows i took this weekend. of course, if i’m missing something here, i’m open to suggestions.
tomorrow she and the Colonel are coming over for tea in the evening. i’ll take a few pictures and post them.
this was a big weekend for me.
on Saturday i took the Buddhist Pratimoksha (personal liberation) vows, the Refuge vows, and the Bodhisattva vows.
on Sunday i reaffirmed those vows and underwent the Medicine Buddha empowerment given by a truly beautiful master,
Venerable Choden Rinpoche
i was very fortunate to make the decision when i did. and i will do my best to uphold the vows unequivocally and and to live the practices.
a brief synopsis of the Rinpoche from the Foundation for the Preservation of the Mahayana Tradition:
Born in 1933 in eastern Tibet, Choden Rinpoche was recognized at age three as the reincarnation of the previous Rinpoche, who himself had been one of the candidates for the twelfth Dalai Lama. At age eight he entered Rabten monastery, and at age fifteen he went to Sera Je monastery, where he studied the five main texts.
Although Rinpoche studied through the Lharam class and could have become a geshe, his teacher asked him not to take the exams yet. Choden Rinpoche decided to study the teachings on Vinaya – monastic discipline – and is regarded as one of the foremost experts on the subject. Choden Rinpoche was one of the two Sera Je lamas selected to debate with His Holiness the Dalai Lama during His Holiness’s geshe exams.
During the communist Chinese takeover of Tibet in 1959, Choden Rinpoche stayed in Tibet and went into solitary retreat for 19 years. He never left his tiny, dark room in Lhasa from 1965 to 1985, and was virtually unknown in his monastery for this reason. In 1985 he was allowed to leave Tibet for India, and has since taught for many years to thousands of students at Sera Je monastery in South India. At the request of Lama Zopa Rinpoche, Choden Rinpoche has now visited the west several times to give teachings and lead retreats.
someone once suggested that i might be arrogant. i informed them that total confidence in one’s own greatness does NOT make one arrogant. i should have just remained silent. that person wasn’t even on my same level to even have that conversation.
*shrugs*
yeah, it’s probably my ugliest trait. and it’s one that i’ve never really cared to work on. it’s not the whole of my character, but it’s a trait that i have often used as a crutch over the years. it helped when i use to run the streets, and it was helpful when i did college policy debate.
but now,
nothing is more beautiful to me than simple joy, compassion, and humility. i find myself a little envious of those for whom it comes easy.
i want to be a better servant. i want to be more gentle and patient. i want to withhold more criticism than i offer, and i want to offer more encouragement and uplift than i withhold.
to aid in cleansing my being so that i might be of greater service to others, i now commit to daily prayer and prostrations. something i have never really done, except for a short time with i was a kid and a christian. it feels so cleansing.
i even have a small cushion for my knees. i’m quite happy with my devotional practice; more than anything, i’m just happy to HAVE a devotional practice!
and prayer flags are beautiful.
oh, while i’m at it,
here’s a picture of the back yard from the balcony. i’m going to create an herb garden, maybe even a small vegetable garden. and the rest of the area will be covered in white clover. unless, of course, someone comes up with an amazing landscape design.
a zen garden comes to mind.
for years at the old house i worried that one of my students might get a splinter in their foot during practice. now that won’t be a worry.
THIS IS ME SMILING.
